Withdrawing from medication, the highs and the lows.

I feel like it's been a while since I last made a post. I've become very open about my mental health and I think that's a good way to be, so this may be a bit of a ramble so bear with.

At the beginning of August, I made the extremely difficult decision to come off my antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. These medications have helped me an enormous amount over the past 4 years, but after swapping between at least six different medications, the side effects were out-weighing the benefits. Upon doctor's recommendation I decided I would come off my antidepressants first. I have never felt so scared about something in my life. I was about to withdraw from something that had kept my head above water and was my ‘crutch for when things went wrong'. I was apprehensive because I was experiencing full relief from depressive disorder for the first time in years. Although, I felt determined that CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) had altered my brain patterns and that my brain would find it's natural balance again without medication.

I began reading up on all of the withdrawal side effects that I may experience, which in all honestly, nearly put me off! I have now been reducing my medication for the past 2 months, and because I was on the highest dose, I have weened it down to half the lowest dose at the moment. The first withdrawal signs I noticed was a worsening spike in my anxiety. The first three days were absolutely dreadful and I felt on edge, extremely tearful and very dizzy. After that, I was extremely irritable and tried hard not to snap at everyone. In the past few days, after reducing them down further, my mood has worsened. I have felt unenergised, foggy, disinterested and flat. I know these next few months are not going to be easy. I have read that reducing the final dose down to zero is the hardest because your brain has to start adjusting to no medication. I am hopeful that once I am off them fully my brain will work itself out.

It is very important for me to remember to take extra care of myself during this process. Allowing myself to eat yummy things, socialise, exercise when I feel like I can, but most importantly- allowing myself time to heal.

The prospect of living my life without these medications and their side effects would be wonderful. But it’s also okay if things don’t go as planned and I have to go back to them- but, of course, I will give it my best fight first!

I’m going to leave this post here before I ramble any longer. But I would like to leave this quote that I found yesterday that really helped me:

“When people say ‘recovery’, you typically think of returning to how you were before your illness. You do not merely recover, but reinvent yourself. You become something completely different from what you were before.” 

                                                                                                                     ❤

My tips on staying well in recovery from mental illness

Welcome!

Some of you will remember I used to blog a couple of years ago, but I got self-conscious and removed all the posts. So here I am, starting again and hoping to keep up with it.

As I mainly blog about mental health, my first post will be dedicated to explaining the strategies I use to keep well. I should firstly mention, that the techniques I am going to describe are not my own ideas and are actually ones suggested to me when I received CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) last Summer until this Easter.

For anyone wondering what this therapy is, it's a combination treatment targeting the cognitive distortions involved with mental illness, as well as implementing behavioural changes at the same time. At first I was very skeptical about this treatment, however I can honestly say it has been the successful (yet challenging) one I have experienced.

During CBT, you learn new ways of dealing with unhelpful mindsets and behaviours. So my first strategy is:

1) Challenging negative thoughts 

Although some people can challenge negative thoughts in their head, in therapy I learnt that writing them down can be more successful (I am speaking for myself on that one). It starts by writing down a negative thought that you currently have e.g. 'I'm not strong enough to complete my degree' was a typical one of mine. The next step is to weigh up the pros and cons of the scenario e.g. what are the positives for completing my degree, what are the negatives. Create two columns. I used to find that when writing them down the pros would always outweigh the cons. After this, I would create a new more neutral (or even positive thought) e.g. 'I will be able to complete my degree'. I would then be able to look at the thought through a new, more helpful perspective.

2) Positive log

This is another writing down exercise that helped me. I used to do this far more often than I do now, as I find that I now have the positive mindset to do this in my head. Everyday I would write down a positive for the day- ignoring any negatives. No matter how small or irrelevant it may seem, write it down! I used to write some things down that will seem so trivial to others e.g. I went to a gym class on my own, I drove in the dark in an unknown area, I applied for jobs etc. At the end of the day, take that positive statement and write a 'I am' or 'I can' statement from it. E.g. I went to a gym class on my own- I am confident and brave. This massively helped me with my anxiety and my depression too, as I could always see little positives no matter how bad of a day it was. I now have a notebook full of positive thoughts and 'I am' and 'I can' statements to look back on when I need them.

3) Self-soothe
Now this one is very important. There are 5 different types of self-soothe, each for the different senses; touch, taste, smell, feel and hearing. I have self-soothe on the brain nowadays because for ten months it was hammered into my brain non-stop! Self-soothe comes under a term called distress tolerance. When we are feeling distressed, soothing ourselves is the best way to ground and calm down quickly. I have used (and still do use!) a variety of self-soothe activities including: painting my nails, exercising, bubble baths, scrapbooking, listening to music etc. I built up a collection of self-soothe activities in CBT that I had previously neglected.

4) Balance 
The most important thing I learned in therapy: balance. Everything in life needs to be balanced. I went into CBT with no life balance. Learning to balance social relationships (partner, family and friends), job, university work and exercise were my main categories. Everybody has different. What worked well for me was drawing a massive pie chart on a whiteboard and splitting it into sections depending on the amount of time in a week I wanted to allocate to each piece of the pie. It was this visual aid that made me realise my life lacked balance and something needed to change.

I really hope that these tips are useful to at least one person. There are plenty more useful techniques you can use to stay on top of your mental health but these are definitely my main four. I am very thankful that I am feeling the most stable I have in years (hence why I feel okay to write this), but I put this down to this wonderful treatment.

If anyone has any questions about CBT or these strategies I have shared then please do let me know.

And lastly, remember that if you are facing hard times, you really do have the power to turn this around. ❤